the whole fam pays good money to 5sos but it seems like only Lucas is getting new clothes
im sorry if I’ve been rude to anyone
if I treated you less and worse than the other
if I’ve been ignoring you
or if I’ve just completely forgot about you
I probably have a reason for that and I don’t have the guts
to say it to you
because I know I will lose you more further
and it will make you feel worse than I already did
im sorry to everyone. for being the bitch
I don’t really act this way normally
my emotions are controlling me
so I hope you understand.
remember that I love you all, okay?
I know how you love oceans and I know how much you love just sitting in your room at night, just watching endless tv series on your useless laptop. I know how much you hate it when someone calls you beautiful because you don’t think you are- but thing is, you’re more an beautiful. You’re pink sunsets and the color of fall mixed together- you’re not perfect, but you fucking are. I know you’re scared of what’s ahead of you, and I know most times the tv series are just distractions to keep you away from overthinking- though I know it doesn’t help, because those unknown scratches on your upper arm tells me otherwise. You smile during the day, and I know fucking right you’ve cried yourself to sleep every night just so scared of nothing else but yourself. You want to heal, but you can’t. It’s almost as if happiness is just a numbing sensation that occurs when your body refuses to take in anymore sadness. It’s almost like a drug we’re all forced to take, and I don’t know how else I’m supposed to tell you that I Love You. I love you, you stinking, stupid idiot, but it doesn’t ever makes sense to me, because how am I supposed to love someone who can’t love themselves? I remember that one afternoon I ran up to my spot to just Cary myself out, and I remember you coming in, no words spoken, you came, you hugged me, took my hand, and we just sat there forgot knows how long, just breathing as the tears wrote the unspoken words of truth. Every night I convince myself that you’ll get better soon even though I am broken myself. But you know what? No matter how much you’re going to try to keep me away, and no matter how much you’re going to try to push me off the cliff, I’m going to climb back up, pebble by pebble, even if it takes me another decade or another century, or even if it makes me bleed, I don’t care. I’m going to try. Because god dammit, I love you. And that’s that.